He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
