So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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