i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
