Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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