I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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