he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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