'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
