Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I supernannyed him into submission
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize