i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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