That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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