the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
