Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You are the jesus of drinking
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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