i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize