i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
