i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
