That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize