Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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