How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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