I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
