I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
