They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
