Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
