Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
