I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
