The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Randomize
