I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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