You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
