So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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