but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
