well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
