Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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