Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
