My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize