its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
