so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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