how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
