she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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