I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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