i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
