You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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