and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Be still, my beating vagina.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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