and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
