i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
