You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
