I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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