it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
