five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
