he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
