Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
