did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
