And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
