dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize