i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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