He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
