capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize