period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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