hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
