I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
