I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
barbara walters just said penis...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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