Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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