The maid of honor just puked.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
