I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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