i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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