Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
