I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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