Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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