Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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