my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
