there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize