my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
