I need to stop coming to work sober
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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