Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
