My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
