The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
