Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize