I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize