I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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