Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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