He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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