I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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