Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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