I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
