i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
