The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
