she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
