the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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