you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
