so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
