He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
