Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
