Screwed.edu
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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