suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
