I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
